My Healing Journey

My healing journey began in 2004 when I received my first Reiki treatment at a substance misuse centre. At that time, I was struggling with my mother's death and would self-medicate with alcohol while adjusting to life in a new flat with my daughters after having stayed in a women’s refuge. Criticism from friends regarding my drinking highlighted my struggles, yet I felt uncertain about how to "sort myself out." I used alcohol to numb my pain, oblivious to the fact that it only intensified my suffering and isolation.

Through several Reiki sessions, I discovered that my practitioner was a Master Teacher, and I felt inspired to learn more so I became her student. Until then, I had no understanding of how energy worked even though my spiritual awareness enabled me to receive spirit communication - especially during difficult times. That year, I completed Level One and Two Reiki Practitioner attunements, using my first treatment on my father, who was terminally ill, to alleviate his suffering during his final weeks.

At that point, I did not fully comprehend the complexities of addiction and was surprised by my persistent desire for alcohol having now acquired the Reiki healing abilities that I frequently applied to myself and others; Every night, once the children were asleep, I was overwhelmed by a profound void, which I sought to fill with alcohol and, unbeknownst to me, was also being caused by the alcohol.

Following my father's passing and becoming estranged from family and friends, I felt isolated, despite caring for my daughters and creating happy memories. A new neighbour, who shared similar experiences of pain, helped alleviate my loneliness.

This neighbour became my boyfriend, and due to my loneliness and despair, I overlooked the warning signs. He was the opposite of my controlling ex and we had a daughter together in 2009. Initially empathetic, he soon plunged me into a decade of turmoil marked by drugs, violence and crime. While the early years seemed blessed, everything changed after his psychotic breakdown and subsequent diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. I increasingly struggled to cope with the horrifying reality of abuse. The thought of ending the relationship felt as impossible as putting up with the abuse itself, yet I found some comfort in the idea of not being alone and continued to endure the dire situation.

Eventually, in 2012, my daughters and I had to return to my marital home for safety; the house was vacant during the week, as my ex used it only on weekends, to see our daughters. He was residing with his girlfriend in London at the time, and our return to that house initially brought relief; It had been 10 years since I had left him and with the horrific experiences of the recent years I had forgotten the control and manipulation that had dominated my life with my ex and his family. I had literally transitioned from one hell to another. Soon, I felt trapped and powerless, my mental health deteriorating with anxiety, depression, and complex PTSD. In such despair, I became susceptible to even more control; I would freeze whenever someone crossed a boundary, a reaction that I was unable to change and which root cause I would not realise until many years later.

Two years after returning to that house, I lost my brother, and my physical health began to decline due to years of relentless stress. At that time, I was unaware that I was also experiencing early menopause; I had assumed my symptoms were solely a result of the stress I was enduring. My life felt chaotic, and my children unfortunately endured the turmoil alongside me. It was an incredibly challenging situation.

After living in that house for four years, In June 2016, I met a local man named Chris Hill, who had recently published a book titled Get Your Life Back – The Road to Freedom from Addiction. Although I had heard of him before, we had never crossed paths, despite once being part of the same social circle. He had begun offering free workshops in the area to help people overcome their addictions. Utilising a specialised method which he had created himself, he liberated me from the mental prison of my addiction in less than two weeks. I followed his guidance precisely, embraced his teachings, and experienced my first spiritual awakening.

Transformation

Seven months later and against my wishes, my ex-partner returned to live in our home permanently, occupying the sofa. My only means of escape lay in seeking refuge once again, but I could only take my youngest daughter, who was seven at the time, as my other two daughters were both over sixteen. We were placed in a facility in South London for six months before relocating to East Sussex in the summer of 2017. Although I was under the impression that I could leave the past behind, I was beginning to see the true nature of healing and the process of letting go of my experiences.

Over the next five years, I focused on deepening my knowledge of Reiki and working on my inner child while healing from the emotional ramifications of decades of abuse and addiction. I joined Chris Hill’s team to assist others in their struggles with addiction and began conducting free addiction workshops locally for The Rob Hill Foundation. This foundation was established after the tragic accidental drug overdose of Rob Hill, Chris’s identical twin brother, in 2014, which prompted Chris to create beatmyaddictions.com and later, start the charity foundation. I became a Master Teacher of Usui Reiki and also in White Dragon Reiki, a particularly accessible form of Reiki suitable for beginners. Additionally, I obtained qualifications in helping people recover from childhood trauma through treatments that address both the mind and body, including EFT, Remedial Hypnotherapy, and Somatic Mind-Body Healing. I also hold diplomas in Mediumship, Yin Yoga, and Journaling, along with a Master’s initiation in Kundalini Reiki, and I recently achieved certification as a Level 1 and 2 Angelic Reiki Practitioner. I now confidently utilise these skills to facilitate the healing of others.

After five years of running addiction workshops, despite finding this role immensely rewarding and desiring to pave the way for others, I decided to pass the torch to another team member. Nevertheless, I remain a trustee of The Rob Hill Foundation, a role I have enjoyed for several years, and I continue to be actively involved in this charity, which has positively impacted thousands of people. I also volunteer as a well-being facilitator with Artsonprescription.org three mornings each week, a role that I find profoundly fulfilling. To further my development in mediumship, I regularly attend circles where I connect with like-minded individuals.

Looking ahead, I plan to expand my skill set by incorporating hand massages into my repertoire, aiming to provide treatments at women’s refuges and the local hospice. This initiative is currently in the planning stages, and I will update this section as it progresses.

Conclusion

Life is an ongoing journey of self-discovery and personal growth. We are never too old to change our habits, establish new routines, and acquire new knowledge. When I overcame addiction in 2016, my social worker remarked, “People don’t usually recover from where you were; you were so far gone, it’s a miracle. Well done.” After seven long years of their involvement in my life, my youngest daughter and I went into another women’s refuge, leading to the closure of my case. They informed me that they believed my husband to be the root of my struggles all along, a  relationship that began in 1994, which I ended in 2002. However, due to my addiction and a lack of understanding of trauma, it took another 18 years for me to acquire the skills necessary to break free from the mental conditioning and achieve emotional healing. Reframing my mindset away from addiction was the first critical step in this process.

You may wonder about my other two daughters. We maintain regular contact and see each other often. My eldest daughter is thriving in a job she loves in Kent, while my middle daughter is an amazing single mother to my beautiful grandson, who was born in 2021 in East Sussex. Although they moved to South London, my grandson stays with me every other weekend as he visits his father nearby. My youngest daughter, now 15, will be leaving school next year. Having spent most of her life here, she has little recollection of our past. However, after reconnecting with family members, she now has cousins she regularly visits and communicates with.

In conclusion, I realise that I inadvertently married into the wrong family. My ex-husband's family consists entirely of males, while I had three daughters; my departure changed the family dynamics significantly. Whilst my daughters remain part of their dad’s family, my escape allowed them to realise that they no longer had to tolerate the controlling behaviours typical of a male-dominated household where women are expected to serve. Initially, that family struggled to accept me, which led to their efforts to manipulate my thoughts. They succeeded for a time, but I have since reversed that conditioning. If we ever meet and you feel it is relevant to your healing process, I would be open to answering any questions you might have about my experiences.